I want to yell~~

PAIN

I have to read

http://www.amazon.com/Barrier-Free-Travel-Wheelers-Walkers-Second/dp/1932603093/ref=pd_sim_b_2/103-5856980-9235849

http://www.amazon.com/There-Room-Inn-Wheelers-Walkers/dp/1932603611/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b/105-9352145-8016412

before sunrise

I feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood…and not making it look like my whole life is revolving around some guy.But loving someone and being loved means so much to me.
Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?
Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes I feel really close. But then other times… it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it’s not just a fear of commitment or that I’m incapable of caring or loving because I can.
It’s just that, if I’m totally honest with myself.. I think I’d rather die knowing that I was really good at something.
That I had excellent in some way…than that I had just been in a nice ,caring relationship.
I had worked for this old man, and once he told me that he had spent all of his life thinking about his career and his work. He was 52, and it suddenly struck him that he had never really given anything of himself. His life was for no one and nothing. He was almost crying say that.
You know. I believe if there’s any kind of GOD…it wouldn’t be in any of us, not you or me… but just little space in between. If there is any kind of magic in this world…. It must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.
I know it’s almost impossible to succeed …but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt.

I am aware of a lot of things from their conversation. Can't picture the FULL feeling but I will try to figure out.(2006.10.26-10:34AM)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
To think about all roles I played or I am playing.....

2006.12.28

There was this famous writer--I don't remember who--who said the ideal relationship was two intense years, with clean breaks, fresh starts, friends for life, something like that. It's like if you knew your relationship had to end in two years, there would be no room for fighting or wasted time. There could be more love and appreciation for one another. It's like, if everyone you met you knew was going to die at midnight, you would be a much more compassionate person. I mean, everyone's going to die, but since no one knows when, there's all the time in the world to be assholes to one another.

AMY:

"...It's like if you knew your relationship had to end in two years, there would be no room for fighting or wasted time. There could be more love and appreciation for one another. It's like, if everyone you met you knew was going to die at midnight, you would be a much more compassionate person. ..."

I am so... touched by whis "IDEAL" relationship. And...I am aware of that...I treat all IMPORTANT relationships for mylife in this way. So- called FOREVER LOVE maybe not for time but the meaning for life.
My grandmother die at the year I had the opperation accident. I went through a VERY SPECIAL period of life. I lost my walking ability and someone I love and who loved me a lot as well. I don't know if she had a 'happy' life....?... But I know... she doesn't have a NICE/KIND relationship with grandpa. I don't know how to define their relationship...and SURE... I AM NOT ABLE To define it.
I saw a lot of people cring for her. BUT I... I just stopped myself crying for her. But... for me.... tears can't express my feeling of lost. kind of EMPTY for the position she had taken in my life. I carry her in my hear... even now.... I miss her a lot.

My life..... there is something missed at the year... so-called saddness ...take away part of my childish.

2007-01-04


But for some people, there are no real good-byes. I think if you have a meaningful experience with someone else, a true communication, they are with you forever in a way.
We are all a part of each other in ways, we'll never know.

Handicapped people to travel in Europe.

http://www.amazon.de/Rick-Steves-Easy-Access-Europe/dp/1566916682/sr=1-3/qid=1167204262/ref=sr_1_3/028-3375142-2337332?ie=UTF8&s=books-intl-de

Book Description
From train and rail pass skills to strategies for visiting open-air folk museums, who else but Rick Steves teaches travelers the skills they really need when traveling through Europe? Most guidebooks don't address the needs of travelers with limited mobility, but Rick Steves believes in comfortable and successful travel for everyone.
Rick Steves’ Easy Access Europe focuses on Amsterdam, Bruges, London, Paris, and the Rhine. It provides tips on getting around easily whether you're in a wheelchair or just need to walk slowly. America’s top authority on travel to Europe, Rick Steves has done the legwork, discovered the secrets, and made the mistakes — so travelers don't have to. Completely revised and updated, Rick’s time-tested recommendations for safe and enjoyable travel in Europe have been used by millions of Americans in search of their own unique European travel experience.

http://www.slowtrav.com/europe/disabled_travel.htm

Sunshine for my life

Sometimes we spent too much time to make ourselves preety/handsome.
But.... I think ..... There is NO so-called UNGLY people if consider with face or shape.
If there is a chance to share part of my life with them.... I would LOVE to.
That's why I put myself beside them.
Sunshine with sunshine

Charlotte's Web--A lovely story

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to life up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."

"你一直是我的朋友。這就是一件意義非凡的事。因為我喜歡你，所以為你織網。畢竟，生命到底是什麼呢?我們出生、活了一段時間，然後死去。蜘蛛的生命無非就是一團混亂，設陷阱、吃蒼蠅。或者我是藉由幫助你來讓我的生命有意義。老天知道每個人的生命中多少都會做這樣的事情。"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy:
The confession touched me. " ...Because I like you..." is the most simple and beautiful reason for what they had shared with each other.
It's kind of childish LOVE. I like it so much.

How about you? your life? and co-called "FATE"

people usually accept the fate. But...did they ever try to do something before accepting?

a conversation with I myself

dare to be different?

what did you see from tiny key hole?

looking for freedom

A love for life?
Freedom!

My lovely boyfriend

Be Aware of "The REAL beauty of life"

信樂團--死了都要愛

把每天當成是末日來相愛　一分一秒都美到淚水掉下來
不理會別人是看好或看壞　只要你勇敢跟我來
愛　不用刻意安排　憑感覺去親吻相擁就會很愉快
享受現在　別一開懷就怕受傷害　許多奇蹟我們相信才會存在
死了都要愛　不淋漓盡致不痛快　感情多深只有這樣才足夠表白
死了都要愛　不哭到微笑不痛快　宇宙毀滅心還在窮途末路都要愛　不極度浪漫不痛快　
髮會雪白　土會掩埋　思念不腐壞到絕路都要愛　
不天荒地老不痛快　不怕熱愛變火海　愛到沸騰才精采

'bed' weekend

- got a flu.
-running nose almost all day long.
-can't breath
-spent a lot of time on my bed

AMY

Age:30
Physical age: more than 50
Mental age:much more than 50
我有著一個年輕的外表、一個成熟的心和一個老態的身體...
走過30年彷彿走過半個世紀多的歲月.....
一幕幕的畫面 最近一值在重複不斷出現
或許最近發生太多讓人意外的事件
讓自己跟過去的影子重疊在一起
那種種的傷痛 突然之間又被打開
一時無法承受 身體狀況又開始下滑
我背著自己的影子在走路

好想大口大口呼吸
自由自在的呼吸
連呼吸都變的短促與無力
我想要呼吸

還[活著]

有時候我努力想像，用力回想所謂"純粹快樂"的畫面在哪裡?

我對自己說 .... "對不起.. 只是一片空白...."

所以現在我一值在創造一值在追求這樣一個畫面:

靜靜 聽聽鳥鳴 很幸福

享受微風輕拂 很幸福

坐在樹下看書 很幸福

曬曬太陽 很幸福

當拋開許多東西 失去許多東西 一點點的感受都變成一種感動 讓人覺得幸福

感覺自己正在[活著] 正在享受[活著]這個過程 這個當下

UNLOCK!

'鎖'的過程是一種沉澱，把自己擺在一個安靜的地方，不思考、不嚮往、不盼望，任何所謂有價值的東西都丟掉，不愛也不恨，不想要也不需要，就像葉子隨著季節而發芽而蒼老而終得墜落的過程。

我想我還是沒有太多的力氣去跟別人爭什麼、要什麼...

我只是盡力的在自己這張人生風景圖畫上畫上自己想要的顏色，盡力達到自己想要的畫面，在這30年的創作過程中，每一筆都充滿了故事性也充滿藝術性。

哪怕事一幅黑白的潑墨山水畫也有屬於它的層次與味道，哪怕事一個充滿悽涼的故事，畢竟還是有一種耐人尋味的美感，哪怕事一個讓人心酸的畫面，那種震撼人心的衝擊令人刻骨銘心。

我的畫... 我不知道它將成為什麼樣子，以前它是黑呀呀的一片，雖然有個深淺層次卻沒有個具體形態，現在或許多了一點顏色..... 覆蓋上去變成另外一種風景，我該說... 我更喜歡這樣子的畫面了，至少... 它不再只是純粹的灰階。

想做的事情..... 很多還沒做

想說的話..........很多還沒說

但是都還在繼續做

這樣子...

人生至少不是白過

做多少算多少

說多少算多少

現在心裡還是一片空空

不知道該怎麼描述這樣的心情

就像是... 一個人坐在草地上 吹著風 發發呆 帶著一抹淺淺的微笑... 很美好的感覺

沒什麼求 沒什麼爭 沒什麼悲傷難過 太靜 靜到自己都不知道過了多久 我才會從那個畫面醒來

我希望 不要太久!~

OFF!

Since:2006-11-06 9:37PM

Lights

11-10-2006

What about LOVE?

2006/8/5 下午 11:31
當我第一次看到這張照片，我的心突然像似被電擊般的颤抖，似乎所有生命中曾經所認為的[愛]瞬間變的渺小，我好想給她一個全然的擁抱，燃燒所有我的能量給她一份支持，好愛她喔!! 有一種愛不是得到，而是無求的付出不包含任何私有的期待與盼望! Ich liebe Dich so sehr!
---------------------------------------------
Mother Teresa says she knows she can't solve the problem of human poverty. That problem must be left to politicians, scientists and economists to solve over the long term. But she can't wait that long. She knows there are too many people in the world whose lives are so devoid of dignity that they are barely human lives at all, and she must take care of them first.
from我的盲人恩師<李家同>

dancing lights

It's REAL so it's beautiful!

2006.10.30-下午 10:57
2006-11-3-11:38PM
NOW! I am praying in my heart.
I wish to sleep well tonight.
Now! I am praying in my heart.
I wish to STOP the PAIN.
NOW! I am saying Goodnight to myself.
To give myself a bless and wish the dream will come true on time.
GOOD NIGHT
---------------------------------------------------------------
I went to bed early but can't sleep , because of the pain...
Can't stop it but wish it will stop as soon as possible.

雨阿，請你到非洲!

You can buy this book from here:
http://www.kingstone.com.tw/book/Book_Page.asp?KMCode=2018620025905&ReadPage=2&Path=&#FreeReadSWA

因為你們的存在讓我更珍惜我所擁有的，但我卻說不出任何感謝的話語。因為我希望這一切只是一個故事、一本書；然而我們都知道他是一個個現在還在發生的[事件]!
每個人的手上都拿著一把[槍]，有時候就連一句話都可以殺人，或者可以救人；如果是你，想想要怎麼使用手上的槍呢??



I cherish what I have and know more how lucky I am, because of YOU.
But I
I can't say 'thank you'.


I WISH it's just a story
I WISH it's just a book

Howerever
We know
It's a corner of the world
Happening somewhere NOW

Everyone has a 'GUN'
Even just to say something you can Kill or Help someone

Now ~
Think about... How to use your GUN?
If you are willing to.

我不能說我沒了慾望，
看見一件漂亮的衣服 我會心動，
看到一雙美麗的鞋子 我會想要，
看到裝扮後可愛動人的自己 我會陶醉，

但是，想到你們的身影 我會放棄這些
而我的人生卻更美好

我不能說 我沒了慾望
只是我多了一份慾望 與你分享我所擁有的!

I C'AN'T say
I am inappetent

When I see
beautiful clothes I want to have one
When I see
a nice pair of shoes I want to wear it
When I see
pretty Amy from a mirror it bewitched me

BUT
when I think about YOU
I Would GIVE UP these stuff
And I have a life with more delight

I C'AN'T say
I am inappetent
I CAN say
I have more desire
to share what I have with YOU.

電視廣告上"一顆流星畫過天空，那是鑽石。"，從未曾想過鑽石是一滴滴媽媽的眼淚，是一個個破碎的心，{鑽石恆久遠.... 傷痛永留心!}。
雖然我從不曾想要得到一顆鑽石，但是在大家過分誇耀它的光芒與美利，幾乎所有的女孩子都期待生命中能擁有一顆鑽石，作為愛的見證或是美的裝飾。
現在的我，看到鑽是我會流淚.... 因為我知道大部分的鑽石來自非洲，是一顆顆媽媽的眼淚，如果你要送我鑽石，我會希望你把相同的價值把愛送的非洲，他們的笑容才是真正的寶石，一輩子都不可能忘記。

Diamonds are tears
If you know what is heppening in Africa
You would not think they are beautiful

They are tears from mothers
They are tears from children

If you know what is happening behind
You wouldn't want it so much

Don't collect TEARS as a sign of happiness.

--------------------------10.31.2006--------------------
I finished the book this morning. Be aware of so many things ...... I am just thinking .... just thinking.... What I wrote "越是無懼 越能給予"，在我的現在與未來，我都該如何去實踐這個[夢想]?? 對我自己而言到底在人生每一步、每一秒鐘的當下.... 除了給予，我是不市還要能[接收]別人的給予而不害怕。

I will read this book again and again... something new will just 'show up', I believe!

1-9-9-8

It's not the most scary thing in my life

What is the most fragile isn't BODY but THE HEART.
I don't feel ashamed of what I am under clothes. It's ME and I accept all.
What so-called GODs around the world are not in you or me. They are little space between you and me. If ... u can feel and you can love and be loved ... it's the place GOD stays for you.
I DO believe it!
smiling AMY.

Shayne Ward--A Better Man

Until the oceans all run dry

Until the stars fall from the sky

Even if words dont seem to rhyme

I'll be addicted to your smile

And if the wind blows out the sun

I'll still believe you are the one

No matter what we're going through

I'll plan to spend my nights with you

I promise you my heart wont fade

I swear to you my soul always

It isnt hard to understand

You're making me a better man

Baby my love will say it all

I'll always catch you when you fall

And if the hard times get too much

I'll still be craving for your touch

I promise you my heart wont fade

I swear to you my soul always

It isnt hard to understand

You're making me a better man

I dedicate my world

I dedicate my all

For every moment

Your leaving me breathless

I dedicate my touch

Forevers not enough

I wanna hold on

I just wanna hold on to you

I promise you my heart wont fade

I swear to you my soul always

It isnt hard to understand

You're making me a better man

It isnt hard to understand, your making me a better man

-------------------------------------------------------------------

No promise will make from me to say.. something like 'last forever"

For a relationship, the most important of all is ... become a BETTER person.

The song touch deep of my heart

What is content within... MORE TRUTH SELF.

NOT to change for anyone but change for self.

Because of ... knowing someon

That's my way.

Be aware of ?

Be aware of
I am staying in a silent place
Space out
No mind

so that
I could smile from the heart
to all of familiar faces around me

Be aware of
I took parent's love for granted
so that
I always cared why they couldn't protect me from the operation

Be aware of
parents are just OLD children
so that
I feel like to love them in different way now

Be aware of
No specific definition of lost
No specific definition of love

Sunshine is sunshine
I enjoy it

Storms are not so scary for me now

到我這裡躲雨

為了什麼妳孤單的離去

穿過這雨中的妳

寂寞無奈

悄悄走在人世裡

哼傷心的歌曲

這場雨淋濕妳心中的愛

我明白妳的累

對妳依然 我想擦乾妳的淚

來時路我和妳一樣

到我這裡躲雨

讓我陪妳傷心 用愛遮蓋著妳

(不讓)雨淋不到這裡

到我這裡躲雨

別再丟下自己 陽光終會來臨

一切心酸都將過去

--吳印良品--

before sunset

I wish to see a beautiful sunset Now I have
I wish to see a beautiful ocean Now I have
There are dreams
Some dreams come truth without any expectation.
Keep on dreaming
Someday it just come True.

under clothes or under the skin?

About physical stuff, everyone has unique one. Everyday, everysecond, the body is changeing. Time doesn't matter. It just like growth ring s of trees. Growth of life. Only belong to every unique one.

Wrinkles are emblems. Recording the path you experienced.

For me, I think a smiling face with wrinkles is Very Beautiful. Live goes on and life just follow the path you took.

Enjoy wrinkles and smile for them.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Someday, I told a women"wrinkles are beautiful". I was so surprised to see tears in her eyes. She never thought someone tell her this. Everyone trys so hard to keep 'smooth' skin especially women.The moment I really want to give her a big hug and tell her I envy the beautiful wrinkles. I like to see wrinkles 'performace' when she is smiling. Sehr Schoen!

Look at the one who sleep with you. If you get close to her/him, look at her/himwith tender heartand give wrinkles a kiss. To appreciate who share the path you take.(smiling)

What can I do?

每次閱讀 我的心一次又一次的蛻變

眼神裡的悲傷還是在

但是包含在裡面的卻是多了更多的慈悲與善解

我的心漂洋過海

到一個沒有雨的地方

到一個沒有衣服穿的軀體

到一個只有飢餓沒有食物的地方

那裡的人們沒有表情

沒有力氣 表現太多的情緒

我的心 也沒有表情

我 無法微笑

我 無法哭泣

我 沒有權力感到過分悲傷

我的心漂洋過海來看你

我能做些什麼? 不只是看看而已

look at down side

People usually try so hard to climb
They look upon and wish to reach the sky

If there is a chance
Look at down side
you see sky
you see sunshine
you see beautiful picture
All what you want are there

Just like..
look at those who have not much but trying so hard to alive
You know
You have ALL

I have ALL now
silent night in my heart
it's dark
but there is stars and moon light
they are
what I won't regret
I have ALL now
No tears on my face
but a moonlight smile

I am tired
but I am smiling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Just feel like to tell A STORY
so that I CAN tell .
Life is beautiful.
Love is beautiful.
Smile is beautiful.
Tears are beautiful also.

It's a trip with colorful experiences