Rely on myself

2006.9.5
I woke up with a scary feeling. Because of a scary dream. It was my first time to have this dream. The doctor told me I have to have another Serious Operation again. It's a chance to be alive ..... Tears cover my face.
To take it or choose another road?
Is this the deepest fear I have within?
The set... the conversation... is so... clear.
Too clear to forget.
Somehow I feel cold and lonely in the deepest of me.